Guilt: An existential perspective

 The existential psychotherapist Rollo May suggests asking of clients: “What is this person’s relation to his own potential?”. In this question lies the essence of existential guilt. From the existential perspective, guilt is not simply the consciousness of some wrongdoing for which one feels bad, rather guilt is an inherent part of existence itself.

The existentialist contribution to the concept of guilt is to broaden it beyond normal, neurotic guilt. As human beings we exist with the always present (but not always conscious) knowledge of who we could be. The part of ourselves which has been called our conscience demands more of us. If we fail to heed that call we experience an object-less, atmospheric anxiety which is not merely psychological but also existential (pertaining to existence itself).

As Rollo May points out, existential guilt is always in relationship with potentiality. It is a truism of the existential and humanistic schools of psychotherapy that human beings have within them a natural inclination toward growth. When that growth is thwarted, part of ourselves remains aware of the person that we could have been. The unique capacities which constitute one’s authentic self, when not realised, come to us as the call of conscience. This faint calling is a kind of existential guilt. The existential theologian Paul Tillich writes: “Man’s being, ontic as well as spiritual, is not only given to him but also demands of him. He is responsible for it; literally, he is required to answer, if he is asked, what he has made of himself.” (2008, p. 48).

Whilst this guilt can lead to a kind of despair, like what many experience in the so-called midlife crisis, it can also spur us on to growth and coherence. It can be an affirming presence which beckons from some distant horizon. Guilt is then a kind of falling short. From the existential perspective guilt is unavoidable, sewn into the texture of being itself. Whilst this may seem depressing, an honest encounter with existential guilt and the associated anxiety, by nature of the authentic encounter with life, can ignite a vitality, or basic sense of aliveness. This “aliveness” is said to be a manifestation of one’s “true self”. This term, “true self”, comes out of the humanistic tradition (among others) and denotes the natural and unique tendencies of each individual which, when properly developed in an interpersonal environment of nourishment, leads to certain qualities like a sense of basic aliveness, depth of feeling, strength of will power, special capacities/gifts and an ability to express oneself. In recent times it has manifested itself in New Age and “spiritual” movements although in those contexts the term is used in very different ways, usually to refer to a core essence, like a soul. I prefer to think of it as something akin to temperament – one’s natural bio-psycho-social orientation.

But our relationship with our potential often manifests in a kind of self-critical perfectionism. The voice of conscience becomes over-bearing and we cannot escape the feeling of under-performing, not living up, inferiority, not good enough. Thus we may become burdened by guilt because we sense that we are constantly and forever falling short. Driving that is often an unreasonable and impossible demand that we somehow be “perfect”.

Psychologically speaking, we might say that we are called to pierce the illusion of perfection and accept our lot without resigning ourselves to a life which we don't actually want. There are important and subtle distinctions to draw between the realistic, healthy desire to improve, the ability to accept exactly where one is, and the impossible, critical ideal of perfection. Most likely we move in and out of these stances many times a day. So a certain watchfulness and poise of mind is necessary to notice when one inhabits any of these stances, and to enquire for oneself the meaning of the experience. There can be nothing formulaic or prescriptive to be said about such matters.

Rollo May’s question always remains, What is our relationship to our potential? The awareness that one could be more needn’t drag guilt, shame and blame around as dead weights. It can catalyse transformation. It can clarify what one actually wants in life and make clear who one actually wants to be.

References

Horney, K. (2013). Neurosis and human growth: The struggle toward self-realization. Routledge.

Tillich, P. (2008). The Courage to Be. Yale University Press.

Yalom, I. D. (2020). Existential psychotherapy. Hachette UK.