Part 2: How to recognise the shadow
The shadow is, by definition, unconscious. This makes it hard to pin down, and it means we can never observe it directly. We have to learn to recognise it, and in order to do that, it is important to understand another psychological concept: projection.
Projection is a distorted emotional response which occurs when what is inside of us is misunderstood as coming from outside of us. We “project” our feelings onto others and then experience it as coming from them. We fail to notice that we are generating the experience. The less aware we are of this process, the more vulnerable we are to interpersonal conflict.
The shadow is a psychological projection. We attribute our own process of mind to that of another. Generally, this is because it is unbearable for us to recognise that aspect in ourselves. It is easier to “project” the thought or the emotion onto another person, because then we can be free of it, and judge the other person more comfortably then we would ourselves. These are almost always our negative traits, which we tend to see in everyone else but ourselves.
Thus, when we are working to reclaim the shadow, we must recognise that what we thought the environment was doing to us, we are in reality doing to ourselves. For example, when I feel overly frustrated and pressured by my wife’s innocent inquiry into whether or not I’ve changed the baby’s nappy, I am responding to my own projection. I am responding to myself. I attribute motives to her which are not hers. My own frustration, my own self-imposed pressure to be the perfect husband, gets projected onto her and then experienced by me as coming from the outside.
The first step in learning to recognise your own shadow is understanding this process. From there, it is about paying closer and closer attention to the things in others that really bother you. Of course, there will be things about others that should bother you.
The philosopher Ken Wilber says that projection can be easily identified by enquiring into whether the person or thing in the environment informs us or affects us. If something informs us, we are probably not under the influence of a strong projection. If it affects us, chances are there is a projective process occurring.
In other words, what are the things that get under your skin more than they should? Where in life are you reacting intensely, and why? Those reactions inform you about your shadow material. Once you are able to identify them, ask yourself honestly, in what ways am I like that? This is the beginning of the process of “shadow work”, which we will explore further in Part 3.
