Feeling worthless is a central part of depression

We all from time to time experience a sense of being “not good enough”. We may doubt our capacity to achieve a certain goal, except to be let down in relationship or feel socially incapable. In depression these feelings are exacerbated. The sense of “not good enough” becomes an all-encompassing sense of utter worthlessness. The sense of self feels toxic, as if it could contaminate the world and the people in it. This feeling tends to drive people toward a greater risk of suicide.

Some of this is surely cultural. We live in a culture which places great value on individual success, and that if we don’t achieve everything we want to or think we should, we feel like a failure. Unfortunately, despite progress, the stigmas around mental health remain. The most destructive of those stigmas are the one’s that are internalised. The sense of worthlessness is driven by an often unconscious belief that to be struggling under the weight of depression is to be a moral failure. Acknowledging that much of the internal judgement toward ourselves in those dark places does not reflect on our moral worth, but is an attitude inherited unconsciously through the culture, might open some space for us to let in some compassion and understanding for ourselves. Or perhaps we were explicitly told that we weren’t enough, that we didn’t matter, that we don’t measure up. In that case we must make space for all of the feelings that go with that: anger, sadness, fear, and the rest. We can learn to leave behind our feelings of worthlessness. It is not easy, but with slow, gentle practices, it is a very real possibility.

Here is a simple practice:

            Sit quietly and bring your awareness to your breathing. Give yourself some time to connect with what you’re actually feeling, without the need to distract, judge or push away. Allow the feeling of “not good enough” to appear in your mind and body. See all the times you were told you were not good enough, that you didn’t matter. See the times that you felt left out, forgotten, abandoned, hurt. Let the feelings rise without judging them. Where do you notice them in your body? What are the qualities of the feelings? Sharp? Soft? Dull? Pulsing? Be curious and gentle. Take some time to explore.

As you look at these hurts, allow yourself to breathe into the feelings with kindness. It doesn’t need to be much, just the smallest touch of kindness that you can manage. If you need, you can recall all the times that you have been kind to others. The small things you have done for others in the past. The animals you have cared for, the friendships you’ve fostered, the plants you’ve watered. See in your mind the times that others have been kind to you. Allow the sense of kindness to move through your breath and into the hurt. Do not judge the process, just see what happens.