A short history of grief

Modern theories of grief have been influenced by a “modernist” framing, which seeks above all else efficiency, rationality and progress. This framework, initially developed as a way of doing science and engineering, has also heavily influenced psychology. We have gained great benefit from this way of understanding things, however, when it comes to matters of the mind and heart, it is not always useful.

The modernist approach influences our understanding grief by assuming that the task of grieving is to overcome it as soon as possible, and then to return to normal, efficient functioning. At times, when people are unable to do this, they tend to feel inadequate, and start to judge themselves.

Psychology has been heavily influenced by Freud’s view of grief, which was that the person grieving had to break the emotional bonds with the lost person. The achievement of this disconnection was seen as the proper way to adjust and recover. Thus, continuing to remain bound to the deceased person, whether by continuing to sense their presence, symbolically staying connected, keeping their possessions etc., was seen as an inability to adjust.

There were many other “breaking bonds” theories of grief proposed throughout the 20th century, and they can almost all be tied back to Freud’s original conceptualisation in his famous paper Mourning and Melancholia. This dominant perspective of grief has become less so since studies into other cultures have shown the broad way that grief is and can be dealt with. Furthermore, the emphasis on breaking bonds and detaching from the dead is a rare method for dealing with grief, when looked at cross-culturally. Thus, it’s universality has been called into question.

The truth is that grief as occurs across the lifetime. Furthermore, when the loss is significant enough, it doesn’t really end. Historically, continuing attachments to the deceased has been called “unresolved grief”. In the 90’s, however, a new model was put forward which suggested the exact opposite. By continuing to connect and strengthen relationships with the deceased person, grief can be held and experienced in a more meaningful way than if the bond was severed entirely. This model is called “continuing bonds”, and we will explore it in our next blog.