Grief work: The continuing bond

Grief is a natural and universal response to loss. It is the body and mind going through a natural healing response. Although necessary, it can be extremely painful. When working with grief, at Warrnambool Counselling & psychotherapy we like to work with a continuing bonds model of grief. It is an approach to understanding and coping with grief that emphasizes the importance of maintaining a connection with the deceased person or the lost relationship. This model suggests that people can find comfort and healing in continuing to honor the memory of their loved ones and to incorporate them into their lives in new ways.

Continuing bonds emerged as an alternative to the traditional “stages” model of grief model. It became apparent to continuing bonds researchers and clinicians that grief does not occur through a linear sequence of emotional stages such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The emphasis here is instead on the complex and personalised ways individuals response to, adapt and cope with grief.

According to the continuing bonds model, people may experience a variety of different ways of maintaining a connection with their loved ones after their death. Some of these ways include visiting their grave or memorial, talking to them, writing letters or journals, engaging in activities that they enjoyed, or creating new rituals or traditions in their honor. By engaging in these activities, people can feel a sense of closeness and continuity with their loved ones, even as they move forward with their lives.

One important aspect of the continuing bonds model is that it recognizes that grief is not something that people "get over" or "move on" from. Instead, it suggests that people can learn to live with their loss and integrate it into their lives in a way that allows them to move forward while still honoring their loved ones. This approach can help to alleviate some of the pressure and guilt that people may feel when they are unable to "let go" of their grief.

The continuing bonds model also emphasizes the importance of social support and community in the process of grief. When people are able to share their feelings and experiences with others who understand and accept them, they are more likely to feel validated and supported in their grief. This can help to reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness, which are common experiences for many people who are grieving.

If you are struggling with grief, it may be helpful to seek out a therapist who is familiar with the continuing bonds model and can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate this challenging time in your life.

Sources

Klass, D. (2006). Continuing conversation about continuing bonds. Death studies, 30(9), 843-858.